I really wanted to write a post about my relationship with Christ especially since it's Christmas time. So I decided to share a very personal experience in my life.
A little over 2 years ago I was engaged to someone other than Samuel and that engagement was broken off. I was left devastated and confused. So at this point, I had just got out of a serious relationship where I spent most I my time with that person. I had a falling out with one of my roommates and I very uncomfortable in my own house. Then to top it off my best friend in the whole wide world was getting married ( I was happy for her, but sad I thought I was losing her). I felt very lost and extremely alone in the world. I had lots of support from family, but in my everyday life of work and school in Tempe, I was alone.
I had a lot of prayer not knowing how to move forward. I wondered why this had happened and as if I could not over come it. All at once my happy little world seemed to have been crushed. I spent a couple months being very worn down, I had lost 10 pounds (not on purpose) and I wasn't happy. I felt like I was just trudging water.
My immediate instinct whenever I have struggled has been to try to make my self extremely busy and hope it would keep my mind off of everything. But of course that only makes things worst.
The night my engagement ended I got a blessing and I was told that the savior knew what I was going through, to rely on him, and that he had great things in store for me. It wasn't until January, I finally took that advice. I knew it was time to move on. I decided I was going to do things differently. Rather than becoming over whelming busy, I listened to a talk called "Of Things that Matter Most" by Elder Deiter F. Uchtdorf.
"When stress levels rise, when distress appears, when tragedy strikes, too often we attempt to keep up the same frantic pace or even accelerate, thinking somehow that the more rushed our pace, the better off we will be......."
"Brothers and sisters, indeed we have great reason to rejoice. If life and its rushed pace and many stresses have made it difficult for you to feel like rejoicing, then perhaps now is a good time to refocus on what matters most."
I began focusing on my daily scripture study, institute class, and going to the temple once a week. It was helping I could feel a difference as I read the scriptures I felt Gods love for me. I prayed that I would feel happy with my current circumstances. However, it wasn't fix overnight, it took time, it took months of prayer and scriptures, but everyday I felt more happiness and slowly my situation also began to change. But it was in those deep prayers, blessings, and scripture studies where, I felt the redeeming love of my savior Jesus Christ. When I thought no one else could know what I was going through he reassured me that he did. When I felt alone he let me know that I was love.
I received so many tender mercies as I focused on the things that mattered most:
1. My relationship with my roommate that was dissolving was mended. You can call it a coincident, but I call it the work of a loving Father in Heaven. The first day of classes I showed up to my institute class and my roommate was in it and we both were like "I didn't know you were in here" and that was about it. Then I showed up to my first college class of the day and my roommate was in that class too and that time we laughed and that we were in two classes without planning it. It wasn't too long before we were walking from institute to our college class together and by half way through the semester it was as if nothing bad had ever happened between us. We are still good friends to this day.
2. I found that the Lord can see much farther in the future than I can. He made things fall apart so that I could find what would make me the most happy and that is my little family I have. I always tell Samuel I never lost my feelings I had for him when we were 16 and thank goodness Heavenly Father had my engagement fall apart off so I could have Sam and Burton in my life. The end of January was when I decided I was going to send Samuel a letter on his mission, he was coming home in 5 months and I though "hey a letter can't hurt." haha That blessing sure was right he definitely had great things in store for me.
3. The Lord gave me support as I got back on my feet through my family. My brother Timmy and his wife Katie lived 5 minutes from my house in Tempe and they were the house I went to that night my engagement got broken off and day or night they opened their house for me whenever I needed some company. Also my sister Brigette lived 1 hour away and I spend many weekends at her house and where I always knew I could laugh and go shopping with her to take my mind off of things. Then of course my parents helped guide my decisions with me through everything. I remember the next morning after my engagement ended, I called my mom crying because I told her I couldn't face the day and what people would think. She very lovingly encouragement that although it was hard I could make it through the day. I am thankful for the supportive family I was blessed with.
"Strength comes not from frantic activity, but from being settled on a firm foundation of truth and light. It comes from placing our attention and efforts on the basics of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. It comes from paying attention to the divine things that matter most."
To all who read this, I believe in Christ. In my darkest and loneliest hours, I was never truly alone and the more time I focused on him, the more I realized he was with me the whole time. I have felt and continue to feel his love, he is my savior, redeemer, and friend.
This Christmas, I want to give the little gift that I can give my Savior which is to be more Christ-like this year. Less judgmental, more loving, and see the good in all people as he does.
MERRY CHRISTMAS
If anyone wants to know more about my beliefs check out this site!
Monday, December 23, 2013
5 months...How did that happen?
On Saturday Burton turn five months old!!! I can't believe how fast those five months have come and how big he has gotten. He is eating baby food once a day now and it's only been a few days, but he is a big fan! Also it's getting a lot harder to take pictures of him since he is so wiggly, but a got a few.
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